Splitsider

When the pilgrims came down from the mount with their rules for Thanksgiving inscribed on two stone tablets, one of those rules was "thou shalt not work on Thanksgiving, or the day after, and you might as well take a half day that Wednesday, too." And it was good. So that's what we're doing. Enjoy/tolerate hanging out with your family and dealing with the worst travel weekend of the year! We'll be back in action bright and early Monday morning, smelling slightly of gravy and our grandmother's very strong perfume.

It's the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, which means lots of travel and lots of family time. It's a double-edged sword: it's always nice to see family, for a time. But when you're sleeping in your old bedroom for a few nights, waking up to and going to sleep after spending the day with the family with few opportunities to take a breather, things can get tense. Here, allow me to give you some things to do when you need a break from all of the forced family fun of Thanksgiving.

This one from The Onion is two years old, but is worth a revisit today for many of us: 26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving.

Marc Maron wrote an essay about his love of cooking, specifically on Thanksgiving, for Saveur: "I started to appreciate cooking in college thanks to a professor who was famous for his dinner parties. He was one of those borderline-inappropriate teachers, full of menace, intelligence, and sexuality. At one of his soirees I'd asked how he learned his craft and he said by reading cookbooks. Then he hit on me. That's it! I was inspired—not to be gay, but to cook. The idea that I could do something giving and seemingly selfless and still be the center of attention seemed magical. So, I started cooking for people (or, as a [...]

New from Aaron Glaser and 30 Rock's Sue Galloway is this lovely recipe for quaaludes and pumpkin pie. Just in time for Thanksgiving! If you make this, you won't need my guide to surviving your family. You'll be juuuuuuust fine.