Gentleman in the Back 101. Introductory course to the gentleman in the back. The class will culminate in learning the name of this man, his alma mater's fight song, and the top 10 ghost stories he has ever heard.
Gentleman in the Back 102. Get a closer look at the gentleman in the back. Who is he? What’s his financial situation like? What life decisions led him to attend an auction alone on a Saturday afternoon? Does he regret them?
Gentleman in the Back 103. Now that you know about the gentleman in the back, it’s time to finally meet him. Upon enrollment, you will be given his address and car's license plate [...]
An alluring human called "Project 9" healthily salivated at the very thought of intercourse, presumably with another of the same species. In order to attract a mate, P9 had to first cease its habit of constantly shaking in fear and screaming, “Please, let me go, I have a family!” while curled up in a fetal position. To facilitate this, the amorous biped poured seven fingers of scotch into a consumption beaker and accordingly “began to chillax.”
Another nearly hairless Homo sapien, "Experiment 4," saucily sauntered into the room, clearly impressed by all the saliva in there. “My entire family just died,” E4 admitted tearfully between chomps of [...]
It was the '60s. My hair was long, and I was at a music festival. A barefoot hippie walked up to me and said, "I'm not wearing shoes." We dropped acid for a few minutes. Then the hippie said, "We're at Woodstock." There weren't any toilets.
Like most people, I was only there to see the Keef Hartley Band. Keef had been my roommate at Middlebury where we both failed Intro to Sculpture. I helped him write "Sinnin' For You" in the quad. He got me a good deal on tickets.
At one point I looked up from my Tom Wolfe book and Jimi Hendrix was on stage setting [...]
In a big tree house down a sunny dirt road deep in the heart of Bear Country, it was Brother’s birthday. The Bear family—Mama, Papa, Brother and Sister—were sitting around the kitchen table enjoying some of Mama’s famous homemade birthday cake. Papa reached for his third piece.
“Papa, you’ve had enough,” scolded Mama.
“There’s no such thing as too much birthday cake!” Papa exclaimed.
He winked at Brother, the birthday boy, and shoved a third piece into his mouth.
Nighttime came and Brother’s special day left as quickly as it had arrived. It was time for bed. Teeth were brushed, stories read, cubs tucked [...]
Gentlemen, welcome to the annual Millionaires Club Rainforest Expedition. Before we begin, I’d like to run through a few quick reminders to avoid problems we’ve encountered in the past.
The jungle is a dangerous place that can be tamed by no man and no amount of money. No, Charles, not even by $4.5 million. It is important to defer to the proper authority. At times we will be traveling dangerous waters on canoe-type vessels. Please do not try to commandeer these vessels or convince their captains to “let you have a quick go of it.” Yes, Edmund, I understand that you were captain of the Yale rowing team. I will [...]