Adjusting to ghost life isn't easy.
The first couple of weeks of being dead are definitely the hardest. Being a ghost is something you have to ease into, like a cold pool, or anal, or anal in a cold pool.
Warning: That last one is super difficult. Do not try at home.
At first, you usually take your cue from the movies you saw when you were alive. You might speak in a spooky vibrato voice or hang out in a pottery class. It's all a bit overdramatic and a big clue that you are a newbie to the specter world. My buddy, Barry, calls these "dead giveaways."
Dear Daniel S. Clavers,
We wanted to alert you to some rather large purchases recently charged to your account:
• $400.00 Fine Young Cannibals Biopic Kickstarter
• $500.00 Roland Gift Life-size Mannequin
If you do not recognize these purchases, please contact us immediately at 555-1155.
If this is a joke, then yes, we find it funny.
But seriously, let us know.
Sincerely, Titan Neighborhood Bank
Dear Daniel S. Clavers,
Thank you for responding so speedily to our email. We now understand that these purchases were of your own volition and we respect your decisions. We did not mean to insult you or "spoil the surprise" for the members [...]
Dee-licious! A classic. Buy some fresh green beans from the farmer’s market, grab some kidney and wax beans, add some vinegar, some oil, salt, onions, and you’re good to go!
Well, you’re ambitious. That’s fine, we can do four beans. Just take that recipe from above and root around through your pantry for some garbanzos. If you want to do a four-bean salad, you better have garbanzos. Soak them in the fridge overnight!
Now we’re really leaving our comfort zone. All right, we can do this. Deep breath. How about kidney beans? Wait, we’ve used those. Maybe try black beans? I mean, [...]
Terry is not the author, nor is he a reference to the author.
Terry is not any one of the author’s friends, a person who considers themselves a friend of the author, lost love, personal trainer, or you, Greg, so stop asking.
Terry’s name is not to be broken apart to find a hidden message, as the word “Retry” has no relation to the author other than his failed Candy Crush level.
Terry’s name is not an acronym or initialism, although both he and the author know the difference, and will bring it up in conversation.
Terry is 27 years old, which is too young to be a reminder of lost [...]