Splitsider

"…in an increasingly noisy world of information and digital interactions, comedy can still deliver the truth in a way that captures people's attention and does so in an essentially human way. As the definition of media grows from 'news' and 'video' to anything that acts as an interface to our world (duh, medium!), comedy must follow. Given the world we live in, that means the bombardment of marketing messages we experience, all of our online and digital experiences and the physical world." - Baratunde Thurston, in a post on his blog that announces his departure from The Onion and discusses the importance of comedy in today's society.

Now that the Onion is moving to Chicago, the staff has some priceless memorabilia to unload. Like their writers' room conference table, which is being advertised on Craigslist right now. For $10,000 or your best offer, you could own "the site where tens of thousands of millions of ideas have been conceived, developed, painfully delivered, raised, nurtured and chucked into the world." And that's just the jokes that worked – considering the toughness of the Onion's pitch process, this table was probably host to more rejected joke ideas than any other piece of furniture in history. Except for, I dunno, Carrot Top's agent's couch.

"During those First Continental Congress sessions we spent full days imagining how crazy life would be in the 21st century: holograms of talking heads appearing out of nowhere whenever you need information on something, aliens and humans living together on the same planet like it's not a big deal, and having the ability to walk out onto the balcony of your home and sit upon the back of a hovering slave waiting to fly you to the location of your choosing." – George Washington, via the Onion.

Aha! An answer to the age-old (well, forty-minute-old) question of how Oscarologists tell the future! They must use the Onion Magic Answer Ball, an iPhone app that promises to answer all your life's deepest questions for just 99 cents. Reportedly discovered by Onion publisher T. Hermann Zweibel in the Himalayas, the ball responds to questions with answers ranging from “Sadly, yes” to “Ask The Internet” to “All Signs Point To Me Not Giving A S**t." Sounds magical.

It was announced last month that as a cost-saving measure, The Onion would be packing up its NYC offices, where all the funnies are written, and moved to Chicago, where ad sales and The AV Club live. Based on this new missive from "publisher emeritus" T. Herman Zweibel, the writers aren't too pleased with the decision. Unless this isn't the thinly veiled shot across the bow that it obviously appears to be:

Disturbing reports have been reaching my bronze ear-horn over the past few weeks concerning the goings-on at the many Eastern sea-board offices of The Onion news-paper. Evidently, if accounts from my disgustingly subservient dogsbodies in [...]

Jeez, the Onion's editorial staff is really leaving New York. Well, uh, five out of the sixteen of them are. This story has the details of who's staying (Joe Randazzo, Joe Garden, Baratunde Thurston) and who's going (Seth Riess, Will Tracy), as well as the story of the holdouts' failed efforts to find a buyer for the paper who would let them stay in New York. The move may eventually end up being a return to the paper's Midwestern roots, and a boost for the Chicago comedy scene, but right now tearing this staff apart seems like it's gotta result in a big loss of quality. [...]

"Sometimes me and another guy or two will be on there for hours, commenting back and forth about what's happening with the show. It's one of my favorite things on the Internet." – The Onion's "Online Recap Of TV Show Attracts 25,000 Readers Who Have Given Up On Life" is short, but it still manages to totally nail the TV recap-lover demo. A little dose of Monday afternoon humility is good for us all, probably.

It's a good thing I enjoy humor because, if I had to estimate, I'd put the number of humor pieces I've read this year somewhere in the low thousands. As a fan — and as someone who's numb to the embarrassment that comes with laughing aloud while riding public transportation — I imagine I'd have read some fraction of these just for fun. But as someone who’s had the privilege of editing Splitsider's Humor Section for the past nine months and compiling the list below (who am I kidding? tl;dr), I’ve been overwhelmed in the best way possible by the volume and quality of the humorists populating the [...]

The Onion shows characteristic directness with its take on the recent sex-abuse-by-coaches epidemic: "Nation's 10-Year-Old Boys: 'If You See Someone Raping Us, Please Call The Police.'" It's very funny and also very sad that such a thing would become funny after so many people did not heed such common sense advice.

There's too soon, and then there is impressively soon; this video is from the ONN episode airing this week. In it, the Onion News Network offers a preview of the new Steve Jobs 2, an updated version of the late great Apple founder that includes voluminous curly hair, sleek white turtleneck, and "increased touch-sensitivity," which seems like both a fitting homage and something every consumer can enjoy.

A day full of such IFC joy cannot avoid bringing with it a little IFC sadness. The Onion News Network has made its last broadcast and will not return for a third season. Fingers crossed that we can still get our video fix on the Onion website.

Another day, another Congressman thinking an Onion article is real. Fight the abortionplex, America! Call your congressperson (and ask if his refrigerator is running, 'cause that dude will fall for anything).

What happens when you give 30 Rock's/UCB's John Murray a shiny new Ford Focus and then have him go give rides to his comedy buddies? That's the question we're answering with our new series Hitchin' a Ride.

In episode one, John swings by the Brooklyn apartment of SNL writer Chris Kelly to drive him into midtown Manhattan for a panel he was doing at the Paley Center — a panel you can check out right here. They had a chance to talk about Chris's time at both SNL and The Onion and also John stopped to buy a giant stuffed giraffe for some reason.

These videos [...]