Posts tagged as todays best tweets
Today's Best Tweets by Comedians
Today's Best Tweets by Comedians
- Todd Marrone
Crayola changed the name of their "flesh" crayon to "peach" but it actually tastes like neither.
- Megan Amram
- Doug Perkins
My life is like Bertrand's Postulate, I used to know what it meant, but now I have no idea.
- Ken Jennings
Gorgeous day. Sipping a Mormon piña colada (pineapple juice with sunscreen sprayed into it).
- [...]
Today's Best Tweets by Comedians
Today's Best Tweets by Comedians
- Erin Gibson
Instead of wearing Beats by Dre headphones, I tape two fifty dollar bills to my Apple earbuds.
- Chris Regan
- Alison Agosti
Do I have to write the entire screenplay, or can I just sell the phrase "Diva Puppies"?
- Eric Ledgin
Dear Tanning Lady, Please start dating Homeless Guy with Golden [...]
Today's Best Tweets by Comedians
- Mojave Phone Booth
If your tailbone itches, it means someone's talking about your evolution.
- Jerry Renek
Ooooh, tell me more about your glass tile backsplash. Hold on, let put on my vinyl catsuit first.
- Andres Du Bouchet
- Sean O`Connor
I would never eat another human being unless I was really bored and [...]
