Splitsider

Posts tagged as work

A Politician Applies For a Job at McDonald's, by Ben Godar

I am here to announce my application for the position of line cook at this McDonald’s location. You don’t know me, so let me take a moment to introduce myself. There are a few things that set me apart from the other candidates hovering in the lobby and sipping complimentary fountain drinks.

First and foremost, I am a fast food outsider. I did not graduate from McDonald’s University. I have never set foot in one of these places, or any fast food restaurant for that matter. What that means is, I won’t just come in here and accept business-as-usual. I will ask questions. Why do we need to empty [...]

Ditch Digger University, by Dan Rozier

Listen up! Are you tired of parents, relatives, and friends telling you to apply yourself? Do you want an education that works for you? How's your upper body strength? Are you typically awake at this hour?

Well, what are you waiting for? Get everyone off your back at Ditch Digger University. DDU was established on the belief that education shouldn't only take you further—it should take you wider and deeper, too. We're a premier institution for the modern world where students can learn, grow, and get their hands dirty with real world experience and, more often than not, actual dirt.

At any other university you'd just be a number, a [...]

The Summer Caretaker at the Overlook Hotel Asks for a Raise, by David Guzman

I first want to say what a pleasure it is to be back as the summer caretaker for the Overlook Hotel. The grand architecture, its beautiful location in the Colorado mountains, the pleasant staff and clientele; it’s truly an honor to work here.

I must be upfront, though, and tell you I’m here to ask for a raise. There are a few factors that come into play. As I understand it, the winter caretaker position pays just as much as the summer position. And that’s just not fair, since the job of summer caretaker requires much more work than that of winter caretaker. In addition, our winter caretakers tend [...]

Regarding Our Annual Companywide Retreat, by Zack Wortman

Q: Must I attend the retreat? A: Everyone wants to attend the retreat. Our annual spring retreat is an honored company tradition here at Smith and Associates and is a well-loved part of our social calendar. It is designed as a fun and relaxing time for employees, and CEO Dan Prowdy incurs great personal expense to make such an experience a reality.

Q: What if I do not wish to attend the retreat? A: Nobody has ever not wanted to attend the retreat.

Q: If I have a prior engagement, may I not attend the retreat? A: Dan knows that a handful of legitimate reasons will prevent some people from attending the retreat. This includes a [...]