Today, we are making Red Velvet Cupcakes with Creamy Vanilla Icing. This old family recipe was brought to America by my great-grammy Eleanor, who probably wouldn’t understand why you are still moping about Jeremy.
Dear Authors,
You must be well familiar with my late father, the eminent Lazarus, who the Royal Alchemie Academy knighted as the greatest alchemist the world has ever known. No doubt you have marched in the parades honoring his breakthroughs in alchemy—hundreds of never-before-attempted concoctions that did not transmute lead into gold, but did give today’s young alchemists more time to attempt other mixtures that have also yet to work.
Listen up, kid. In my 12 years of walking the beat, I’ve learned what it takes to survive in the big city. But there ain’t many police like me. Nuh-uh. Usually cops end up as one of two schmoes: Either doe-eyed rookies burnt out after a few months, or Grey-Hairs sucking down a cold cup of Joe in the bullpen because they couldn’t hack it out on the streets. Wanna know my secret to avoiding those fates? I’ll tell ya. It’s because when I put on the badge in the morning, I know exactly why I do it.
Hello there!
No need to thank me.
It needs to have a cute, little kid who is always outsmarting the grown-ups. There. That's it. That's what's going to make your movie stand above the rest: a little kid — a cute, little kid — and he has to be clever and cute, and, most importantly, he must outsmart the grown-ups. That's what the audience wants, and that's what you will give them.
Whoa, whoa, do you know who we’re dealing with here? This is no regular guy. Those men you sent in—they’re already dead. Arrange catering for their wakes. I told you to call me first if we ever met this guy. We’re going to need more men.
There is one thing I should make clear about my zombie movie: My zombies are different.
Congratulations on your promotion to KISS CAM DIRECTOR. You are part of a long tradition of sporting event Jumbotron distractions. The following guidelines will help you lead your Kiss Cam team to crowd-pleasing, lip-locking victory!
Take everything you think you know about fantasy-themed house parties and push it out the window. This is our annual Game of Thrones premiere extravaganza. A night when loyalties are tested. Scandal conspires with intrigue. Deceptions reign. And this year, brace yourselves, because Dana is coming. With Mike and them.
Attention Patients:
My Dearest Catherine,
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An Encyclopedic Guide to the Best Callbacks, Running Jokes and Hidden Gags in the New Season of 'Arrested Development'
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