"You know my favorite. It's your favorite too," my Bubbe said to me with the same rascally grin she had when she first told me our favorite joke. Though, it was now missing a few teeth, from when she said "fuck it" with her dentures, around when she moved in with parents for hospice care. Still, teeth-be-damned, she couldn't withhold that smirk. See: it's a dirty joke; it's a dark joke; it's a joke that over time has drifted onto the wrong side of political correctness; it's the greatest joke ever.
She first heard "the one about the dead nun" on one of the regional, elderly bus tours she took before the cancer. Recalling the joke's origin this past summer, she explained that she always sat in the back – the "X-Rated section" – so she and her friends could tell stories and jokes and generally act like sailors on leave (if sailors were old Jewish ladies). "It was too good," she told me. Adding, "It had me rolling." Still she couldn't remember what play they were going to see. "I couldn't pay attention. I was only thinking about the joke." This made sense to me. It would to you too, if you’d heard it.
Over ten years have passed since I first heard the joke, but I can still remember her voice. It started in a whisper, a thing Bubbe always had trouble with. There were kids around, so her normal Flatbush Avenue-boom wouldn't do. Kids weren’t allowed to hear this joke, but I was. I was old enough. I was old enough to hear the greatest joke ever. READ MORE
Starting soon after the posting of this post, I will be departing as your Associate Editor, my dear Splitsider reader. It has been a pure joy to be the vessel from which you got your Arrested Development news. Thank you for being nice and indulging my 50%+ pretentious musings, ham/hamm puns, and general silliness. (Also thanks for indulging my use of the word "silly.") I leave you in the very able hands of Adam and Bradford Evans, who you might know from all over this site. I'll be popping my head in every once and a while, so calm down people who've already started rioting out of sadness. (Sad Riot is a good band name for THE WORST band.) Until then, you can follow me on Twitter at @JesseDavidFox or at any dog park in the Greenpoint/North Williamsburg area.
Jesse David Fox is a writer, cat person, and Jew (in that order). He lives in Brooklyn. He's signing off.
So, if you don't want to end up plagued with a yellow discharge coming out of a place that discharges stuff, then figure out how to vote. That discharge should be charged with the crime of being guh-rossss. This comes after she proposed to scissor a billionaire for Obama. If she gets that discharge cleared up, maybe she should just agree to scissor any old person, black person, college person or poor person. That will do the trick; again, IF that discharge is cleared up.
"I never purposely gained weight. I just kind of have a comedic looking body I guess. If anything I really have to exercise just to not look too fudgy, otherwise I would just keep going and going."
— Will Ferrell in an interview with The Talks, talking about having a body at which people laugh.
In November, the New York Comedy Festival is bringing together all the major players of The Ben Stiller Show: Janeane Garafolo, Bob Odenkirk, Judd Apatow, Andy Dick, Jeff Kahn, Rob Cohen, and, you guessed it, Ben Stiller. This about 20 years since the show was canceled by Fox after only 12 episodes. In that time, many of these people went on to great careers and others were Andy Dick. Other announced shows include a live taping of You Made It Weird, "Crowd Work with Colin Quinn," Splitsider's own Nikki Glaser and Sara Schaefer will be doing "Nikki & Sara & Friends," and Denis Leary will have a conversation with Kate Snow. Also, did we mention Andy Dick will be there?
Aziz is no stranger to Reddit AMAs, so he navigated his one last night like a real pro. He answered questions about Parks and Recreation, stand-up, and food, and he included this photo, which is lovely. Read the best quotes below:
On his favorite Parks scene:
Ron eating bacon at the strip club
On an upcoming scene with Ben Schwartz:
Yesterday we filmed a scene where Jean Ralphio and I sang a song that goes "MAKE! MAKE! MAKE! MAKE! MAKE THOSE BOOTIES CLAP!"
On working with Chris Pratt:
I say this about everyone but seriously, Chris is the sweetest, funniest guy. He always also never uses a spit bucket. When you do scenes where a character is eating, you eat and then spit it out into a "spit bucket." Chris just keeps eating. If you see Andy eating a cheeseburger in a scene, you should know Chris Pratt ate like 8 cheeseburgers.
We all missed our NBC comedies, right? Right? We might be the only ones. They did realllllllly bad in the ratings last night. Everything was down. The most shocking is The Office, which brought in only 4.32 million people, with a 2.1 18-49 rating. That is 46% down from last season's premiere. Last season's finale brought in only a 2.3 but premieres tend to do better than most episodes. Parks and Rec also did terribly, bringing in a disappointing 1.7 rating in the demo, which is the same as their season 4 finale. Up All Night came in with a 1.3. SNL Weekend Update Thursday garnered a 1.6, 69% down from the 5.1 2008's election special brought in. And this was against mostly reruns from their competitors. For comparison, the third episode of Go On, which was really solid, brought in 9.28 million viewers an a 3.4 18-49 rating. Sure, Go On has the massive lead in with The Voice but it's hard to ignore that things are afoot. Hell, even The New Normal beat all these shows with a 2.2 rating.
In what is a flawless casting decision, Stephen Colbert is set to guest star on The Office as Andy's oft-mentioned college a cappella buddy Broccoli Rob. Rob will appear in the Halloween episode, singing a different tune (like a cappella, BOOOM) about the history of Here Comes Treble. Tensions will rise and probably/hopefully they'll have a sing off. And then maybe Michael Scott comes back and meets Broccoli Rob and they hit it off and decide to have a fun sort of debate they call "Even Stevphen" and it lasts forever. Best Halloween EVER.
You get the whole range of Ricky's face: Young, pretty boy Ricky; toad-like Ricky; present day, say what you will Ricky. Which is your fave? Maybe if you kiss the toad one, he'll turn into the synth-pop one. Or, more likely, if you kiss the toad one, he'll just end up talking to you for hours about how God is a fallacy. Below Ricky talks about launching a stand-up contest to take place on his new app. Louis C.K. is allowed to enter just so he can lose. READ MORE
Tig explained to Conan, "My prognosis is great," and we all became that weird kid at work just crying for no reason. The mastectomy went well and the cancer didn't spread. She goes on to reveal that as a result of a conversation Louis. C.K. had with Woody Allen (OMG!), Louis is going to release Tig's legendary Largo set on his website. This is all great. It's seriously the best news I've gotten to put on this site.
Fear not, you will not be without the Gervs until then. He has helped launch an app called Just Sayin'. It is like Twitter but audio. As Gervais explained it: “Just Sayin’ is to radio what Twitter is to newsprint." It is essentially the same as Eardrop, the app Earwolf created awhile back. The difference is the access to Gervais, so… that's something. If Gervais isn't your cup of tea, there are supes cool celebs, like: once fat bassplayer Mike Huckabee, once dead bassplayer Nikki Sixx, and famous shirt-remover Brandi Chastain.
We surely live in the age in which dubstep scores every commercial. This video was shot by The Daniels – which is the on the nose name for the directing team of Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert. The duo is big fans of the show, so they approached Paul Scheer with this idea. They use real guns, which scared everyone. Luckily no one lost an eye – though, Martin Starr did lose a hat. [Via]
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