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The One Where I Watched the 'Friends' Porn Parody (NSFW)
The Friends XXX Parody begins with what I can only describe as an Emmy-worthy parody of the famous Friends theme song, featuring such lyrics as “these friends go all the way” and “these friends love to screw.” I would have found it a little on-the-nose if I wasn’t busy adding it to my Party playlist. Unfortunately, this song may very well be the best part of the film.
We first meet our 6 protagonists in Canoga Perk, the Los Angeles version of Central Perk that makes considerably less sense. Here, we learn that “Russ’s” wife Carol has cheated on him with another woman (season 1), “Moanica” and “Sandler” are getting married (season 7), and a couple of lesbians kiss for no reason (season never). Sandler (Anthony Rosano) tells Moanica he has something to show her back at his apartment, and I’ll give you zero guesses what that something is!
Yup, it’s his penis! And lucky for us, Anthony Rosano chooses to do a giddy Chandler impression the minute he’s naked, leading to an unfortunate moment where his bing (yup) just kinda whacks back and forth across his thighs. Aka the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Sandler and Moanica start going at it on, where else, one of the two leather recliners, which immediately looks like the least comfortable place to have sex. That is, of course, until fifteen minutes later when they’re doing it on the foosball table. READ MORE
The Dude Abides: Watching The Big Lebowski Porn Parody
Ever since my friend Jeff Rubin and I interviewed porn parody auteur Lee Roy Myers a few weeks back, I’ve been looking forward to reviewing The Big Lebowski: A XXX Parody, his self-proclaimed favorite. Well, I watched it, and 2 hours and 38 minutes of loud sex later (you’re welcome, neighbors) I can now say it’s one of my favorites as well.
The Big Lebowski: A XXX Parody's title sequence is, as in the original, a slow-motion collection of people bowling, but instead of weird chubby dudes, it’s big-boobed topless women. I mean, nailing it, right out of the gate. The equally-as-rambling, Sam Elliott-style narration tells us that this is the story of The Dude, a man who had “an extremely large johnson.” This, of course, turns out in no way to influence or be important in the plot. READ MORE
Yes, They Gave Slimer a Boner: Watching the Ghostbusters Porn Parody
It’s a miracle! I finally found a Hustler porn parody that I liked! And not just liked, but fully enjoyed! I laughed, I got turned on…I guess that was it, but hey, that’s a home run right there. I feel like a proud mother whose baby is finally walking, except instead of a baby it’s Hustler and instead of walking it’s making a great porn parody.
This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX begins with an impressive, almost shot-for-shot remake of the opening library scene of Ghostbusters, from the establishing shot of the lion statue to the card catalog snowstorm to the hair-blowing ghost encounter. The only difference is instead of Ray Finkle’s mom screaming, we get Ron Jeremy. Off to an unironically great start. READ MORE
Watching the Inevitable Two and a Half Men Porn Parody
This Ain’t Two and a Half Men XXX is the first porn parody I’ve watched of a show that actually invites a porn parody, which helps to explain why, for the first time, the entire film is based on one specific episode (Season 3, Episode 20 “Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro”).
In this episode, according to Wikipedia, “Alan tries to win Kandi back, while Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi (Gail O'Grady), and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy (Kevin Sorbo).” As far as I can tell, the only difference between the actual episode and the porn parody is that in the porn we see these people’s genitals. Oh, and Kandi’s father definitely does not look like Kevin Sorbo. READ MORE
Why The Glee Porn Parody is the Worst Thing Ever
In theory, there was no way the This Ain’t Glee XXX porn parody wouldn’t be terrible. Cheesy singing, wholesome student-teacher relationships and unwanted teen pregnancy, all filtered through the lens of hardcore pornography? Luckily, that theory was absolutely correct.
This Ain’t Glee XXX is the worst porn parody I’ve ever seen, and it might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen, period. I say this as both a fan of Glee and a fan of pornography, one of which I’m ashamed to admit publicly.
Let me first answer your immediate questions: yes, there is singing. Yes, most of it is bad. No, they don’t sing real songs, they sing parody, sexually-themed versions of real songs. Yes, the lyrics to these songs are written by a thousand blind morons. Yes, I was fascinated by these scenes. READ MORE
Watching the Curb Your Enthusiasm Porn Parody: Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Bad
Curb Your Enthusiasm’s eighth season premiered last week after a painfully long 20-month hiatus, and what better way to celebrate its triumphant return than by reviewing a porn parody of a show with basically no sexual figures? What could possibly go wrong?
This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX is the first porn parody I’ve reviewed under the Hustler name, which means no Lee Roy Myers, no James Deen, no Ashlynn Brooke, and worst of all, no Evan Stone’s giant dong (a single tear drips down my cheek). Watching it, I suddenly felt like an outsider at a party I invited myself to. And this party was full of really, really fake boobs. READ MORE
What's the Deal With the Seinfeld Porn Parody?
You guys, straight up, Seinfeld: A XXX Parody is great. Maybe I’m just becoming more and more enamored with the genre as I go, but I feel like every porn parody I watch is better than the last. And Seinfeld is, so far, the cream de la cream.
It opens, accurately, with a stand-up bit from "Gerry" Seinfeld (played by my darling James Deen) that begins “So what’s the deal with pornography?” It just doesn’t get any better than that. From here we cut to a tonally perfect establishing shot outside a XXX video store, where Gerry and Elaina (a fantastic impression from Kristina Rose) are attempting to buy porn from “The Porn Nazi.” Elaina’s faux-cool attitude cues the Porn Nazi to scream “You can’t have any porn, lady!” Of course I’m kidding, he screams “No porn for you!”
Back at Gerry’s apartment, to the delight of porn parody fans everywhere, Gerry and Elaina decide to bone. I will say there is something strangely satisfying in watching Gerry and Elaina do it doggy-style on a perfect replica of the Seinfeld set. READ MORE
It Was All Yellow: Reviewing the Simpsons Porn Parody
The Simpsons porn parody should, by all accounts, be the worst film ever made. Which is why I consider it both miraculous and slightly alarming that I found it decidedly enjoyable. Well, as enjoyable as a porn can possibly be when the sex scenes are narrated by Homer Simpson. Let’s just say there is a slight repurposing of his trademark drool.
While watching The Simpsons porn parody, one thought kept coming to mind: they figured out this skin-yellowing camera effect first, and then decided to make the porn, right? It’s so shockingly successful that I can’t imagine it was the “egg” in this scenario. Some PA was messing around on the camera, hit a random button (probably one labeled “let’s make it real weird”), and then writer-director Lee Roy Myers saw yellow skin and his eyeballs exploded from the number of dollar signs scrolling through them. It’s the only logical explanation. READ MORE
Watching The Office Porn Parody as a Parody, and as a Porn
The Office: A XXX Parody is by far the finest porn parody I’ve seen to date, and that’s saying something, since by this point I’ve watched two full porn parodies. First of all, it stars James Deen as “Jimmy” (previously “Dennis” in the 30 Rock porn parody), so you know I’m already on board. Second of all, the name of the office is Dinder Muffin, which is nothing short of a stroke of idiotic genius. Third of all, it concludes with a scene in which “Michelle” (Michael) and “Holly” tag-team “Toby.” If that’s not a recipe for a great porn parody, I don’t know what is.
The Office porn parody begins with an excellent parody of The Office intro, except for the fact that Michelle’s mug reads “World’s Bust Boss” instead of “World’s Best Bust,” a seemingly glaring oversight by the props department (one dude named Mitch, probably). Is she supposed to be the boss of all the world’s busts? I just can’t get behind that logic, sorry Mitch.
From the intro we jump straight into the workplace, where Michelle (Ashlynn Brooke, previously “Jenna Maroney”) tells the documentary film crew that in the workplace she’s all about the “3 F’s – fun, funny and interoffice fucking.” Not sure if the fact that “interoffice fucking” starts with an “i” is another oversight or an excellent Michael Scott joke. I’ll presume the latter; it’s early. READ MORE
Watching the 30 Rock Porn Parody as a Parody, and as a Porn
The 30 Rock porn parody starts, inexplicably, with a pitch-perfect parody of an entirely different show, as “Trey Jordan” of “The Chick Show with Trey Jordan” gives us a Cribs-style tour of his mansion for no reason whatsoever. I’m assuming one of the producers wanted to show off his house? Needless to say, this odd parody within a parody successfully set the tone for my first foray into the weirdest genre in existence: comedy parody porn.
First of all, what? Why do these films exist? Who watches them? And how did they find a porn actor with such a strangely inspired Tracy Morgan impression? This column will aggressively avoid answering any of these questions. It will, however, offer an unnecessarily graphic (my choice) review of the films, critiquing them as both comedy parodies and as porn.
The plot of the 30 Rock porn is revolutionary, and when I say revolutionary here I am being sarcastic. Network head “Jake Donaghy” wants “Liz Limon” (if you can’t figure out who’s who, email me personally so I can yell at you) to add more sex to TCS. I should also mention that the premise of this film is not revealed until after the first sex scene. Thumbs down for the comedy parody review, a million thumbs up for the porn review. READ MORE
Why More Women Should Write Comedy: A Mathematical (But Not Boring) Study
The notion that women aren’t funny is as old as the people still bringing it up. These days in comedy, funny women are everywhere. And yet the men writing comedy still outnumber the women by a wide margin. So while the idea that women aren’t funny has been soundly defeated, a new question has taken its place — since we know women are funny, why aren’t there more female comedy writers?
My immediate reaction to this question is a residual, vague resentment, aimed at absolutely no one in particular. Someone, somewhere, is deciding women aren’t funny! This is an outrage! Show yourself, you amorphous oppressor! I want to know who I’m yelling at!
But the truth is this: more men are succeeding in comedy because, quite simply, more men are trying. Women have proven themselves just as capable of creating and running sitcoms as men, but they aren’t attempting to do so in the sheer numbers that men are. READ MORE
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